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Saturday, November 12, 2005
After a long break from this blog here I am goin’ emo once again. I’m sorry but there are certain times like this when I just feel like writing some mushy, emo stuff. I don’t know the reason why may be because there are certain times when you just cant help but be lonely even if how wonderful things are goin’.
Yeah, I admit, I’m lonely.
As you all know its been like years since I had a significant other, a girlfriend to say the least. It’s not that I’m rushing things but there are times (just like now) when I miss the feeling of being with somebody special aside from your friends and family.
And just like what I’ve previously posted on this blog, I’m into somebody right now. I know the words aren’t appropriate but all I wanted to say is that I’m captivated by a particular person right now. She’s pretty, nice, intelligent, easy to get along with, caring, sweet, or basically she has everythin’ that made me fall.
I don’t know if it’s serendipity, destiny or plain simple false hopes. I’ve already told you that we’re neighbors, we travel goin’ to and from the office together everyday, we both have the same schedule and even day-offs, our stats in the office are next to each other, we’re even next to each other in the name listing in our team. What does these things mean? It’s like somebody up there is bringing us together but then again in reality these things doesn’t mean a single thing.
But more importantly is that she’s already taken. Meaning, she’s in a relationship, she’s got a boyfriend and I got no chance. Harsh but true. It’s a fact I’ve learned to accept a few weeks or months ago.
If I know what the situation is already, then why am I still hoping? Its stupid still feelin’ this but what I can I do? I admit I just couldn’t brush the feeling off that easily. Believe me if I say that im no longer head over heels over her but the feelings still there. Im no longer hurting and I can say that I’ve already moved on…like may be a feet or two. I know its not that far but it’s a start right?
The reason why I still cling on to these false hopes is because of the…”what if?” probability. I know there’s a slim chance that we end up being together in the future but then again, what if? Do you get my point? I know its confusing but what I’m simply tryin’ to say is that still you may never know what destiny holds for us. We may be living separate lives today but what ‘bout tomorrow? It’s pretty obvious that she’s contented and very much happy from what she has right now and I don’t plan on taking it away from her.
I could honestly say that I’m pretty much contented with what we are right now, great friends. I know I’m still wishing things to go more than this but if this is all that we could ever be…I’m still happy.
That hardest part of being in my shoes is the feeling of restraining yourself from doin’ something that you really wanted to do. Holding back or suppressing your feelings is hard but if its one way of moving on then I’m willing to grab the chance. Sometimes you wanna jump around in happiness because of something wonderful but all you can do is to smile. In plain simple words, holding back is the best thing that I could do right now.
I sent an S.O.S tonight
