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Saturday, November 12, 2005
Notice: this event happened a month ago already but its just now that I was able to have time to upload this entry. A lot has happened since then (like losing my phone)which I would be tellin’ you some other time. Well, without further adieu here’s another of my so-called emo-posts.
*this post is a little bit different as compared to my other posts ‘coz this aint really a post. This is a letter that I did for somebody special to me. A letter that I got no plans of giving (well, at least for now) I just thought of putting it in this blog so that I could have an outlet of what I feel as of the moment. If by any chance she stumbles upon this site then we’ll know what happens by then but as for know read on. To that special person in my life this is for you….
These past few days have been so wonderful, almost as near as perfect, you know want to know why? It’s simply because of you. You’ve bought back my inspiration, my motivation but most importantly a reason to look forward to something everyday.
Thought I wouldn’t have this feelin’ anymore. I thought this feelin’ was just something from the past. Guess’ destiny sometimes really plays a trick on us or more specifically on me. I’m not sayin’ that I don’t like this ‘coz it’s obvious that I do, ‘coz why wouldn’t I? In fact, I’m so thankful that somehow we’re back to how things used to be. It’s like déjà vu or something ‘coz it’s like I’m living in a dream or its like having your dreams come true or something like that.
I know I’m goin’ in circles but guess that’s really what its like when you love somebody. Simply seeing your smile early in the mornin’ starts my day right. I’ve observe that you seem to grow more and more beautiful everyday. Believe me, I ain’t playin’ nor am I sweet talking you. These ain’t one of the jokes that I crack, its something that true, so true that I don’t have the courage of saying it to you up-front and face to face.
I love your smile, your voice, your eyes, the smell of your hair, your kindness, your stories, the way you flip your fan, the way you sleep or even the way you hold the strap of my bag, your beauty , your jokes, your texts, your laughter, your family, your dogs, the way you talk, your caring sweetness, your friendship, even your food, your candies but not too much on the way you smoke but its ok (got nothing against that), your fashion sense, your colorful accessories, your earrings and even your cute butterfly clips. I could go on and on telling you the things that I love about you but simply put all I need to say is that I love every little thing about you.
It’s not that I’m afraid or a coward for not having the courage of saying these things to you instead of doing making this pathetic post in this blog with hopes of somehow you’d be able to read this crap feelings of mine. But then again, I hope you’d never stumble upon this post ‘coz I don’t want things to get complicated between us. Believe me if I say that I’m contented with what we are right now but I won’t also deny the fact that there’s a part of me who’s dying and hoping that we could be more than what we are already.
I’m contented in loving you in silence ‘coz I’m already privileged with this wonderful friendship that you’ve given me. I’m not askin’ for more ‘coz if I do I might even lose what I have right now, your friendship. Even if I don’t talk about it it’s obvious what I feel about you. I know you’re in a superb relationship right now that’s why I’m holding back my feelings for you. I’m holding back ‘coz I don’t want to take advantage of the friendship that you’ve entrusted me with. I know your happy with your man and I also don’t have anything against that. All I’m wishing is your happiness which he seems to be givin’ you so well. Knowing that your happy is pretty much enough for me. All I am doin’ for you is what any other friend would do for you.
Who knows may be someday or somewhere down the road we could be more than what we are right now? There are things called destiny and serendipity, right? I want to believe that somehow such things do exist. I’m sorry if this may be too far-fetched but I really do hope and pray that somehow destiny would smile at me and make this poor fella’s dream come true. If it wouldn’t then who am I to argue, ‘guess may be its really not for me. If that may be the case I’m still happy ‘coz I’ve still got a wonderful friend, not bad right? You might not feel the same way as I do but it’s alright. I really just want to have a release about what I feel right now.
If by any chance you’d be able to read this just want to say I’m sorry and I hope that nothing’s gonna change between us. All that you’ve read in this post is true and so does what I feel for you. Don’t worry I understand where my place is and that is by being by your side as your friend who would be there whenever you need somebody to laugh, cry, joke, tell stories with or even simply having someone that you could hang around with. Nothing more, nothing less.
I used to call you my “meant-to-be” and in my heart you still are. I may end up with somebody else and so do you but in my heart you’d always have that special place as my “meant-to-be”.
Thank you for everything.
I love you.
*if you want to know as to how the story started please refer to previous posts; “Butterflies and Cigars", "Sometimes it just simply sucks to be me (a.k.a. déjà vu)", "81484". thanks.
I sent an S.O.S tonight
