as what i've mentioned before,im goin' to a battle that is already lost.hope is very much invisible as of the moment.i can't cling on to something to hold on,i feel like letting go and givin' up already.i know the battle's only startin' but how can i continue if its already lost?i guess, God wouldn't grant me the miracle that i was praying and hoping for.guess,this is not really for me.i've asked for signs but i got none.
im very much willing to continue but i feel like all my effort would just put me in more pain if id still continue.i could no longer do anything to change her mind,i've heard from numerous friends that she seems to be very much happy and contented with what she has right now.i love her reason why even if it pains me most im very much willing to let her go.as usual,im the one that is left in pain but somehow im beginning to get used to it (no kidding).if she's happy then its already enough for me,i only wish her happiness,something that she wouldn't feel if i continue to act this way.im just thankful and proud for all the memories that i've shared with her through the years but most importantly im thankful that she loved me as me, not as a friend nor as a brother, but as me and for what i am.im sorry for all the troubled i might have caused her because of my emotions but i was just trying to be true to her and to myself.
im not saying that i've already given up, all im saying is that im retreating from the battle and may be someday fight again.i'll just content myself loving her in silence so there wouldn't be any more complications.i long to see her face smiling again, something i haven't seen for a while since i've been true to my feelings.i do spent a lot of time with her but i feel like she's quite different lately.i miss her affection,her sweet nothings,her text messages and all those things that made me fall for her,its as if she suddenly turned cold.may be its her way of showing that she couldn't offer me anything and that she is very much happy in her relationship.
i never believe in destiny but i guess this time,i will.if it will happen, it will...that's what destiny is as how a close friend would describe/define it.if it doesnt happen then and now, someday it will...the only question is when? i chose to turn away because this may not be the right road for me,for now.i only hope that someday i could finally cross this same path and be with her at the end of the road.i also do hope that by then i could have a fairytale ending and live happily ever after.if i ended up with somebody else in the future, guess we're not really meant to be and that's my destiny.
this book may have been closed but this story is still far from over.if this was a movie,it's open-ended and definitely,for sure there'd be a sequel...
-as pathetic and corny as this may seem i'd still announce it to the whole world wide web and even to the real world...
i love you honey.
