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Friday, February 18, 2005
I don’t know what’s gotten into me but it seems like I’ve been inclined lately to write emotional posts (like this one and my other post entitled “SHE”). May be its because of the music I’ve been listenin’ to lately…emo and emo-punk. If you’re not quite acquianted regarding what emo is, just try searchin’ it on the net cause me, I’m not that knowledgeable when it comes to emo. I only know a few things ‘bout it like; the lyrics of the song are mostly emotional or have deep emotions embeded into the lyrics, its something like a love song. As to how my buddy (who plays emo) defines the music; “it’s noisy but at the same time melodic”. Some of the emo-artists that I’m listenin’ to right now are; ataris, finch, good charlotte, story of the year, dashboard confessional and these two artists which I’m not quite sure if they’re emo, yellowcard and starting line. If you still don’t get what im tryin’ to imply just consult somebody more knowledgeable than me. On with my post…
I’ve been single for two years already and I’m quite lonely and somehow enjoying it at the same time. It’s really a confussing feeling and it’s making my head ache. Valentines has just passed by and it’s already my second year having no one for Valentine. Its not I’m making a big fuss about it, I just miss having somebody special. I miss having someone to talk to, text with, look at, go out with, watch movies with, eat out with, celebrate special occassions with (i.e. birthday, monthsaries, anniversaries…) and a lot of other things which couples usually do.
I know it’s my fault for feeling this way because I was the one, as you all know, who opted out of my previous and only relationship I ever had. I might be regretting ever making that decision but I have already moved on and I think so did she (But I wouldn’t elaborate more on that relationship cause its another story). Over the course of the past 2 years, I admit, even until now, I’m still looking for that special someone. Friends often tease me to court different ladies that they think is best for me. I could have followed their advice cause these females that they are teasing me with have the qualities that I’m looking for in a girl. These girls would really make a man fall for them. But the question is; WHY WOULDN”T I? Now my friends are already teasing me that I’m a homo cause it’s already right there at my footsteps but still I wouldn’t seize the oppurtuniy.
May be they’re right, may be something is really wrong with me. My reason for doing this is because I just want to be sure. I want to be sure if I’m already ready to commit into another relationship. I want to be sure if I really have special feelings for that person and I’m not just physically attracted. If I were to get into another relationship I want to be sure about my feelings and myself. I may look like a player but I ain’t one. I’m not the type of guy who takes someone for granted, takes advantage of someone and most importantly I don’t cheat on someone. I’d rather end the relationship then and there before I’d ever get to the point of cheating. It’s not that I’m lifting my own chair by telling these things but it’s really the truth and even my closests friends could attest to that.
What happens now? May be I’d just stick to my being single cause it’s just now that I get to enjoy this state of my life. Ever since I got attracted to the female specie all I ever did was court girls but most of the time or almost all of the time it ended in failure and misery. I may regret this decision in the future but it’s ok cause nobody got hurt except me. For now may be I’d just continue to focus on my studies cause its just two months away before the big day, our graduation! While I’m at it I’d still continue listening to emo, still try to start on my comic book, which until now I haven’t yet decided on my character sketches and continue to upload my artworks/sketches and pictures on my deviant art webpage as soon I get them scanned on my cousin’s pc cause I got no scanner of my own *sigh*.
Ending up this crap I really hope that you guys had a wonderful hearts day celebration!
I sent an S.O.S tonight
