luified:the luiboi experience

Friday, January 21, 2005

She was a girl of average height, close to 5’4”, I guess. She wasn’t your typical girl next-door type, a little bit boyish if I may add. She doesn’t always have a sweet smile to greet you. Most of the time you’ll see her blank with no emotions. She doesn’t standout in a crowd but I’m into her. I can’t explain it but everytime I see her, it makes my heart beat faster. From a distance I can see her emotionless but beautiful face. If only I could approach and talk to her…if only…

As I went to mass last Sunday, I wasn’t expecting anything. Everything seemed normal nothing extraordinary but that Sunday was different. As I stood outside waiting for the mass to start, I looked around to see if any of my friends went to mass but as I glanced to my left there’s this girl who looked familiar. It was around five mins before six and it was getting dark already and the church lights were not lit yet. I was staring at her and so does she. I didn’t realized who she was right away but as the seconds ticked away I felt my heart beating faster. It was she! I thought I was mistaken so I tried to look away. I thought it was just my imagination working. As I looked away I noticed that the church lights have been turned on and as I looked back again, I was sure it was she! She was still looking so I looked the other way and I think so does she…

I admit, I wan’t able to concentrate on the mass. My mind kept on thinkin’ ‘bout her. I was thinkin’ like; do I look right? Did she notice it was I? Is she still looking? Thoughts that I shouldn’t had been entertainin’ during the mass. Every once in a while I tried to glanced at her because it’s been years, four years to be exact, since I last saw her. I was already thinkin’ bout her last Friday because I was figurin’ out if she’d be clebratin’ her birthday that Sunday. That thought just passed me by and only came back during the time I saw her. I thought of greeting her but I was still wasn’t sure if it she was celebratin’ her birthday. I texted one of my buddies but he didn’t answer.

As I looked at her I noticed that she was wearing a red shirt and I thought may be I’m right cause I know a lot of people who wear red colored clothes during their birthday, its like a chinese belief, I guess. But then again, may be I’m wrong which made me think more. I also thought that I should greet her cause she might think that I’m a snob, which I wasn’t. I was only reactin’ like that because of our long history…

As corny as it may seem but she was the very first girl I had a crush on way back 1st year high. If I remembered it correctly we only has one room separated by wooden walls. Walls that have small openings, which let you, see the other side. I wasn’t a voyeur so I didn’t tried to peep not until that day…

I was assigned as a cleaner that day and as I was cleanin’ with my classmates I heared noise comin’ from the other side. I just ignored it but I heard a girl’s voice callin’ out my friend’s name. I suddenly got curious cause it wanted to know who she was. I tried to look unto the wall and there she was…lookin’. I tried to talk to her and asked her name but she didn’t answer back. She went away from the hole and as she was movin’ away I was finally able to see her face completely. Man, that was like the first time I saw her beautiful face. It was like love at first sight or so I thought.

Days passed by and I finally decided to come up and talk to her but just like our previous meeting she moved away. Our every meeting was like that but still I don’t know what’s with her that made me stayed. I courted her for two years and got rejected twice. Guess I never learned. I was too hardheaded or I was just plain dumb but still I kept on insisting myself to her. I still remember the days wherein I sent love letters and got a hate letter in return. Just imagine how painful was that. We share a common cirlce of friends that’s why I also experienced that whenever I came she would stand up and go away or if not she would pretend as if I wasn’t there. It just saddens me looking back how pathetic I am back in the day.

Fast forward to 2005, 6 years later, right now at this very moment and after that incident at the church I still think of her. At the church I noticed that she was with somebody, I assume it was her boyfriend cause she was holding on to his arm. I only noticed it during the latter part of the mass cause I was even plannin’ on walking her home if she was alone but sadly I was mistaken. Also, on the greetings of peace I was eager on greetin’ her and I wasn’t dissapointed cause she greeted me with a pretty smile. I just love thinking ‘bout the way she smiled at me cause as far as I can remember she never did she smiled at me nor have I remembered having a good conversation with her (though I wish I could have). If I was to compare what she looks like back in the day and what she looks like right now nothin’ much has changed except for the fact that she looks even prettier right now.

As the mass ended I was not able to bid her goodbye so I went home still puzzled if I should and how should I greet her. I called up my buddy and asked for an advice and he told me that I should call her. I was hesitant at first (what do you expect? Hello! We never had a good history) but I ended up doin’ so. I called her up twice and she wasn’t answerin’ so I just ended up textin’ her. This is what I texted her;

Hi!I just texted you to say that it was nice to see you again. Its been years since I last saw you kasi I was callin’ you a while back but I can’t reach you so I thought of just textin’ you instead. It’s your bday today right? HAPPY BIRTHDAY! May all your wishes come true and good luck in all that you do! Take care! Good PM! Thanks!*smiley*

That’s how my message went and of course I expected a reply. I was feelin’ down already cause 2 hours have passsed since I sent my sms and up until now there wasn’t any reply comin’ from her. I was already feeling down and was ‘bout to go to sleep until my phone beeped. I was excited to see who it was and to my delight it was HER! There was nothin’ special but her message though, I just felt glad cause I was no longer expectin’ an sms comin' from her until she did.

As corny as this may sound but I have to admit, even up to this day she still holds a space in my heart. May be its not as big as what it used to be but still she does have that little space. I don’t know as to how far this would lead or where this feelin’ would end up (most likely nowhere) but what’s important is that right now…I am happy.

I sent an S.O.S tonight